If the thought of asking for a pay rise makes your stomach churn, you’re not alone. Many brilliant, capable women hesitate to negotiate—often due to fear of being seen as difficult, greedy, or ungrateful. But here’s the truth: negotiating your salary isn’t selfish—it’s strategic. It’s about recognising your value and making sure it’s reflected in your compensation.

The gender pay gap isn’t just about systemic inequality; it’s also about missed opportunities to self-advocate. And while it shouldn’t fall solely on women to fix it, learning to navigate these conversations with confidence is a powerful act of self-leadership. Here’s how to approach your next salary conversation with clarity, courage, and conviction.

Shift Your Mindset: It’s Not Just About the Money

The first and most crucial step is reframing what negotiation means. This isn’t a confrontation. It’s not a demand. It’s a business conversation about aligning your compensation with your contribution. When you see it through that lens, it becomes easier to engage in with confidence and calm.

This is about equity—not ego. You’re not asking for a favour. You’re initiating a fair discussion based on the value you bring. That mindset shift changes everything.

Know Your Worth—and Back It With Data

Confidence in negotiation doesn’t come from guesswork; it comes from evidence. Before you even step into the conversation, do your homework. Research salary benchmarks for your role, experience level, and industry. Use resources like Glassdoor, Payscale, or professional networks to get a sense of what’s standard.

Then look inward. What have you contributed over the past year? Have you exceeded targets, improved systems, led projects, or generated revenue? Gather tangible examples. A clear, concise summary of your impact positions you as someone who understands not just what you do—but what it’s worth.

Practise the Conversation Before It Happens

Preparation breeds confidence. Once you’ve gathered your evidence, practise the conversation aloud. Rehearse with a mentor, friend, or even in front of a mirror. Saying the words out loud helps you get comfortable hearing yourself assert your value.

Avoid over-apologising or hedging with phrases like “I was wondering if maybe…” or “I hate to ask, but…” Instead, try: “Based on my performance and current market benchmarks, I’d like to discuss adjusting my compensation to reflect my contributions.”

It’s not about memorising a script—it’s about embodying your message.

Time It Strategically

Timing matters. Ideally, plan your conversation around performance reviews, the end of a successful project, or after a notable win. These moments create a natural opportunity to reflect on your growth and results.

Avoid approaching your manager in high-stress periods or when the company is in crisis mode. While you can’t always control timing perfectly, choosing a moment where your accomplishments are visible and fresh in everyone’s mind can make a real difference.

Prepare for Pushback—But Don’t Take It Personally

Not every negotiation ends with an immediate yes. You might face budget limitations, internal constraints, or simple hesitation. That’s okay. What matters is that you opened the conversation—and showed up for yourself.

If your request is declined, stay professional and curious. Ask what benchmarks you would need to hit to revisit the discussion. Request a follow-up date. Confidence also means resilience—it’s the ability to continue the conversation without retreating into self-doubt.

Don’t Just Negotiate Salary—Look at the Whole Package

If salary adjustments aren’t immediately possible, consider negotiating for professional development opportunities, flexible working arrangements, stock options, or additional holiday leave. Value isn’t always financial. If you’ve opened the door to negotiation, be prepared to explore what else could meaningfully support your growth and wellbeing.

A confident negotiator sees the bigger picture—and crafts a package that reflects her ambitions.

Remember: You’re Not Asking Too Much

One of the most pervasive fears women face in negotiation is the worry that they’re being “too much.” Too assertive. Too demanding. Too bold.

Let’s be clear: you are not too much. You are asking for what is fair, earned, and long overdue. The more women negotiate, the more we normalise confident conversations about money and worth. This isn’t just about you—it’s about shifting the culture for every woman who comes after you.

The Bottom Line

Negotiating a pay rise isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about knowing your value and being willing to speak it out loud. It’s about replacing fear with facts, hesitation with preparation, and silence with self-advocacy. You deserve to be paid in alignment with the impact you make.

If you’re ready to stop second-guessing and start negotiating with clarity and confidence, join my Free 5-Day Confidence Challenge—designed to help ambitious women like you claim their voice and lead with power. Sign up and start building the inner strength that makes these conversations feel not only possible—but natural.