Because the stories we’re told as children don’t stay in childhood — they follow us into every room we lead in.

It starts earlier than we realise.

Before the job titles, before the team dynamics, before the performance reviews — we’ve already learned something powerful about how we’re “supposed” to show up.

We learned it in playgrounds, in classrooms, in the quiet corrections and praise we absorbed long before we knew the words gender bias or leadership gap.

And if you’re a woman who’s ever hesitated to speak up, doubted your qualifications despite your experience, or watched someone less prepared step into the role you were ready for — this may be why.

Because what’s holding us back isn’t always confidence. Sometimes, it’s conditioning.

Climbing Trees and Playing It Safe: The Early Messages That Shape Us

Picture this.

John climbs a tree. He’s cheered on: “Go higher!” “Be brave!”Jane reaches for the same branch — and someone says, “Be careful.”

It seems small. Innocent. But those two messages carry weight.They’re not just about trees. They’re about how we teach children to relate to risk, power, and permission.

And those lessons don’t dissolve with age — they evolve into patterns.

John learns to lead by doing, even when he’s unsure. Jane learns to prepare, perfect, and wait until she’s absolutely ready — which often means waiting too long.

This isn’t about who’s better. It’s about how early expectations shape our professional choices — and limit what we believe we’re allowed to do.

When Childhood Narratives Show Up in the Workplace

Fast forward to adulthood — and these patterns are still playing out in real time.

John applies for a role even if he’s only 60% qualified. He sees it as a challenge, a learning curve.Jane, with 90% of the qualifications, hesitates. She doesn’t want to overreach. She wants to be ready.

These aren’t isolated cases — they’re systemic outcomes of cultural narratives that tell men to claim space and women to earn it completely before stepping forward.

And they don’t just affect individuals — they shape entire teams and organisations:

• Women are underrepresented in leadership

• Diverse perspectives are left out of decision-making

• Teams miss out on valuable, risk-balanced thinking

The cost of these patterns is high. Not just for women — for everyone.

This Isn’t Just About Confidence — It’s Cultural Conditioning

The phrase “she lacks confidence” gets used too often to explain why women aren’t moving forward. But confidence isn’t built in a vacuum. It’s built — or dismantled — through years of feedback, modelling, and social cues.

From a young age, girls are often taught:

• To be helpful, not assertive

• To avoid mistakes, not embrace them

• To follow the rules, not question them

And then we wonder why, in professional settings, women second-guess themselves while men “lean in.”

This isn’t about personal failure. It’s about systemic storytelling — and it’s time we rewrite the script.

So How Do We Break the Cycle?

We begin by shifting both individual mindset and organisational culture. Here’s where to start:

1. Awareness: Name What You’ve Inherited

Self-reflection isn’t soft — it’s a leadership skill.

Ask yourself:

• What was I praised for as a child?

• What was I discouraged from doing?

• How might those early messages still be shaping the way I lead (or hold back)?

Awareness doesn’t undo the past — but it gives you the power to choose differently now.

2. Encourage Risk-Taking — Across the Board

If you lead a team, notice who’s speaking up. Who’s stepping forward. Who’s holding back.

Create a culture where calculated risk is celebrated — not punished. Where “not knowing yet” is part of the process. Where learning in public is normalised.

This helps everyone — and it especially liberates women from perfectionist pressure.

3. Support the Step, Not Just the Outcome

We praise success. But we need to start praising the decision to try.

When women take bold steps — whether or not they succeed on the first attempt — acknowledge it. Reflect it back. Reinforce the behaviour.

Confidence grows in response to reinforcement, not just achievement.

4. Build Structures That Support Readiness and Risk

Mentorship isn’t just for advice. It’s for reflection, visibility, and guidance in moments where self-doubt creeps in.

Whether it’s a peer network, formal programme, or a trusted leader — make sure women have access to spaces where they’re reminded that readiness doesn’t mean perfection.

Readiness means you’ll grow into the role by stepping into it.

Leadership Needs Rebalancing — Not Just More Women

The goal isn’t to teach women to lead like men. It’s to make space for leadership that looks different — more collaborative, more relational, more grounded in integrity and inclusion.

That means questioning:

• Who gets to be “bold” and “visionary”

• Who is penalised for being “direct”

• Who gets to fail, and still be seen as a leader

If we want diverse leadership, we need to create cultures where diverse ways of leading are respected.

Final Note: The Next Generation is Watching

This isn’t just about us. It’s about the stories we model — for our teams, our children, our communities.

When you speak up without having all the answers…When you take a role before you feel “ready”…When you claim space without apology…

You’re not just changing your life. You’re changing the narrative.And that is what legacy leadership looks like.